Some Absurd Crimes and Their Outcomes

  Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash 
machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup 
truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they 
pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove 
home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still 
attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to 
the bumper.

  South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag 
of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was 
substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested 
immediately.

  Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all
the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he
fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

  England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at 
customs with his golf bag.  While making idle chatter about golf, the 
customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" 
is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which 
he does--backward!  A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf 
bag.

  Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western
movies, etc.  One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who
wanted to have her husband killed.  She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

  Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in 
damages rather than serve a prison sentence.  For payment, he provided the 
court a check--a *forged* check.  He got 10 years.

  (Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, 
announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and 
realized that he'd forgotten to cut eyeholes in the mask.

  (Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and
stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was
recording.  Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located 
elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing 
the camera.)

  (Location Unknown):  A man successfully broke into a bank's basement
through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the
process.  He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from 
where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he 
had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone 
and dialed "911" for help ...

  Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a
refrigerator.  Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator
from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly 
got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator 
was too heavy.  Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the 
refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to 
realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

  (Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store
similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change.  
When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for 
all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided.  The man 
took the cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. 
The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?  Fifteen dollars.

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